To all the friends I've lost.

We all have friends, friends from school, friends from college, friends from the workspace, social media friends, friends' friends, and the list goes on. Some have like 2-3 while some have 10 or more. some people believe in best friends while some people just don't understand the concept of it. Some are lucky and make friends easily while some find it difficult. Some friends stay throughout different phases of your life while some are actually just one of these phases in your life. Some friends are just there while some come, teach you something and leave. Some friends consider you a good friend while you don't and vice-versa. No matter what kind of a person you are, you too must have made and lost a few friends in your way of becoming a person you're today, people that accepted or rejected you for who you are.

Even I lost some friends, though some of the friendships just faded away with time, there were a few which I think that I could have handled better. So to all the 'friends', I lost in my way, this one is for you.

Hey,

How're you?! It's been a while since we last talked. I saw that you started working at this company. Congratulations! Well, I wish you'd told me yourself instead of getting to know about it through some other friend but I didn't tell you about any of my plans so I guess it's fine.

Anyway, I was just going through the old pictures and saw our group pictures from the last trip that we all went together. I still remember everything, the place we stayed at, the crazy things we all did without letting our teachers know about it, the long conversations over the terrace, and pulling each other's legs throughout the stay. It seemed like our friendships are gonna stay forever.  Today, years later we barely talk, we don't know what's happening in each other's lives except what we decide to show to everybody out there in the social media world.

So what really happened?
Why I changed?  I don't remember what I said that time or maybe I didn't give any logical reason at all. Even though I always knew I guess I'm at a better position now so as to give an explanation.

© Kartik Sharma

// Imagine yourself on a boat, with a few other people, you can breathe but you're uncomfortable, there's no space for you to actually move. It's not about the other people, it's more about you being... you. You try, you try to stay in that boat because it seems like the only option at the time. You are there, breathing, trying your best to stay inside the boat. You don't complain, because you feel if you'll stay that way long enough, it will become easier and also it's a good boat you know, built after working for years on it. You do eventually get fine, adjust, thinking that you can't complain if you're adjusting with the boat and the people, even the boat is carrying your weight and helping you cover distances and also the other people are adapting to you as well. But then.. you reach a place and see other people boarding that same boat. People that you personally wouldn't like to travel with, people who you're okay seeing and knowing from a distance, people who you've tried avoiding all these years, not because you hate them but they're just not your people, but it's necessary for the boat to get all these people on board. You are clearly uncomfortable now, you can't do anything, your old travelers can't see that you're struggling because they're too busy knowing these new people. You want to talk to them and tell them, 'Hey, Help Me!'  but you can't, you just can't, It's like one of those nightmares where you're trying to scream for help but you just don't have a voice. Then you see this another boat, with new people, people you've never seen before and you actually have the opportunity to board this new boat. Yes, it's going to be a leap of faith but at this point after all that you have been through, you feel courageous enough to take this bold step and decide to abandon the old boat for the new one.

© Kartik Sharma

You see? The old travelers were never the problem, It was you who got all fucked up in the situation, you can't blame your old passengers to travel with the new travelers but YOU can't blame yourself either. You can only do something yourself for yourself and for you to have continued living and grow as a person you had to change that freaking boat. //

I do miss you at times, I do wish I'd handled the situation better, but it is what it is now and I feel it all happened for the best. I still see your pictures with our other friends and I feel happy that you guys decided to stick together, I don't know how things are internally but I hope everything's great. I hope you all are happy with what you're doing in your life. And if you're thinking about how I am, well I'm as fine as Ross was when he found out about Rachel and Joey!!

But really, I'm fine.  Just want to thank you for doing things that you did and accepting things as they came. Maybe now you know why I did what I did or maybe it still doesn't make sense but I did what I had to do because for me to be what I am today I had to let you go.
And as they say, "If you are not losing people, you're not growing up."

Take Care and All The Best.
Regards,
Kartik.





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