Do you consider yourself successful?

Before you begin, I just want you to take a moment and ask yourself if you consider yourself successful with where you are in your life right now?

Now that you have answered that, what did your brain think about while asking this question to yourself? And based on what you thought about, why do you think you are/are not successful? What even is success? Is it about earning good money or having an amazing job? But money is never enough and what do you mean by an amazing job? some people live to work while others work to live, which one are you? would you consider your closest friend more successful than you are? and if yes, what criteria is that based off of? Isn't success supposed to be subjective? 

As my seasonal depression keeps getting worse by the day, I have been thinking about things. Seeing other people living their lives, while I live mine but questioning how are they doing it better? I am sure some people ask themselves the same question while they look through my Instagram, which in itself is a very poor indicator of knowing how amazing or mediocre somebody's life is! And again, there is no one specific thing that brings joy to everyone. What might be a source of fulfillment for someone could be a nightmare for the other. Like, you will never see me going to watch a sports tournament, but if there's a singer I like performing at the same stadium, I would be queuing to buy tickets online even if I have a work call at the same time the tickets go live.

But yeah, coming back to the point of how successful one is? What do you consider? Sure, it sucks to see your friends who started at the same level as you doing so much better professionally... but did they also leave their comfort place at the age of 21 to go pursue their higher studies in a different country while also figuring themselves out and struggling to do that and also go through a pandemic to find a job without any work experience and just a lot of anxiety about everything in life? who cares it took you a little longer to find a job, right? at least you have now and eventually, you will get there where you wanna be!!!! I learned this the hard way but don't let your job define you.

Is it about seeing people having the same set of friends at 25 that they have known since they were 15? While you haven't spoken to your friends from school in years even though they all still hang out together? Fuck 15, you are not even in contact with your friends you knew from when you were 21. Is it because you are a shitty friend or you just never found your kind of people? But don't they say, you outgrow people as you get older and it's a part of life? I would rather consider that as a success, over just sticking with the same people? but it is pretty weird to just consistently cut-off people from your life as well. *Alexa, play 'Bad Friend' by Rina Sawayama*

Is it about the people who get to travel a lot? They sure do look happy doing it and people sure should have money to be able to do that.. is that what being successful is about? but what if they are all very smartly planned - efficiently budgeted trips and other people just don't understand that? And what if, some people just don't like traveling and just don't do it out of choice, that sounds pretty successful to me; to be in a position where you just decide not to do something, simply because you don't want to do it even if everyone around wants to do it.

Or is it about caring about your family and being able to spend quality time with them? But what if your family is not supportive of who you are as a person and even though you want to be there for them, you just can not. Standing for yourself and living life on your own terms? I wouldn't consider it as being unsuccessful.  

Or is it about giving back to society and just doing something about this planet we exist on? Adding value by your actions? That's some deep-level shit and also very few people can do that! but again, you could be impacting someone's life without even you knowing it. And while it would be great to have a bigger impact but I believe even if you can help even one person, that's amazing! Think of the best leader or the most influential person you know,  there can't be 10 of the same person, right? You need some people who want to be led on/be influenced by.. please tell me if that makes sense?

So what is it that makes a person successful? Isn't it so different for different people? I still do not know if I am successful or if I will ever be. Is it always have to be so competitive though? Why do we still compare our lives with others and that too by how someone decides to portray their life on social media? Even though I keep saying oh I am on my own journey and I do not shy away from sharing my depressing thoughts online, people obviously do not know what my life is like and what I live through on daily basis. They met me once years ago, formed an opinion, and just sometimes get surprised when they see me posting about something they did not know I could do/like/be. 

How do people attain that level where they just actually don't give a shit, do whatever they feel like, and have the sources to actually do those things. 

I kinda lost the whole point of why I started writing this but I guess what I was trying to ask is, do you consider yourself successful?